Satire: My predictions for tomorrow's Apple presser

  1. Steve Jobs will show us the proper way to hold the iPhone.
  2. Apple will single out Brian Lam and say “this is why we can’t have nice things … or at least test phones.”
  3. They will give out free Bumpers to everyone, but they will be of the “purple polka-dot bikini” variety.
  4. Apple will blame AT&T saying, “their More Bars; More Places” advertising campaign was behind the code that was overly generous on reporting signal strength.
  5. Steve Jobs will say, “It’s not a big deal. People just don’t use phones anymore”
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