My predictions for tomorrow's event

In the spirit of my post on the last event, I bring you these. five, five Commandments predictions for tomorrow:

  • In keeping with the paintball motif, when the AT&T CEO takes the stage, Tim Cook will come running out with a paintball gun and a walkie-talkie and call in an airstrike.
  • Steve Jobs will descend from the lighting rig in a black, mock turtleneck robe clutching two tablets, and say, “Observe what I command you today. See, I will drive out before you the Windows Users, The Android Users, and those heathens still using a fucking Blackberry.”
  • Steve Jobs will report it was not the care of the transplant surgeons who saved his life, it was this Tablet. To prove his point, he will bring Stevie Wonder on stage, hand him the tablet and Stevie will proclaim he now sees the light.
  • Phil Schiller will demo the new version of Faces in iPhoto dubbed the “No, it really works, version of Faces” However, in a tragic mishap it will think Steve Jobs is a cadavar given to science and Phil is the bearded lady from a circus.
  • Steve Jobs loses the drinking game for how often Phil says “Great. Amazing. Great, It’s that great” during an app demo and is rushed to Betty Ford.